The congregation of St. David’s Episcopal Church in metro Detroit hosted an excellent learning session about the transgender community. On February 23rd, Daya Curley drew from her personal experiences to provide a practical and insightful understanding. Seventy or so parishioners paid close attention and expressed their appreciation. The discussion was heart-felt. Many acknowledged connections to the transgender community or personal involvement, as with themselves or their children.

Please read through to access the glossary and additional sources down below.

Daya Curley owned her position as a member of the transgender community

This woman made it plain that the transgender community is not monolithic. “Rules are not set. Nothing is carved in stone,” she said. “Each transgender or non-binary person must make their way, as one’s self, in their own setting.” She was straight-forward and transparent. She drew laughs by telling the group she was not dangerous and was not there to trick anyone.

Ms. Curley highlighted her transgender evolution

Interestingly, Ms. Curley shared that, at three to four years old in East Detroit, she knew she was different. Her own evolution started then. Essentially, it went on to parallel that of the transgender movement at large.

As a teenager, she “came out” to her parents as gay. Even then, she knew that designation was not correct, though she could not yet define or express herself. Ms. Curley went to California in hopes of connecting with her authentic self. In almost hippy-like fashion, she did. She found something of the early transgender experience and movement. There she connected with gender identity doctors and therapists. Essentially she went through something of a prescribed process. Still, she did not yet know any transgender people.

Loneliness is often a theme for folks within the transgender community. Her husband Mark was with her through her gender maturation. Daya arrived at a milestone in her personal transition in 2006. In 2021, she experienced loneliness again when she and Mark moved to Michigan. (Mark, Daya’s parents, and a few friends attended Sunday’s discussion).

Discussion points about the transgender community

• Education is key to social understanding and involvement for the transgender community. Transgender awareness is going through the same progression as the gay community did a few years ago.
• As people, transgender and non-binary people cannot do it alone. This one bears repeating: they cannot do it alone.
• “As people, we might not want to be political. But trans people – and the people that care for them – cannot afford not to be.”
• Birth certificate issues threaten the transgender community. Authorities can sometimes manipulate the documents or undermine legitimacy, which is victimization.
• Medical care and finding capable doctors is a common issue, especially in rural areas.
• Ms. Curley said that the film “Emilia Pérez” is an unfair and misleading representation of the transgender community. So, she advises not to bother viewing the movie.
• Trans is an identity, and that identity does not necessarily mean the person has undergone gender affirming health procedures.
• Gender identity and sexual preference are not the same things.
• Some cultures, especially indigenous, acknowledge that there are not just two sexes.

“Be your true self as long as it is safe”

Ms. Curley provided this practical advice to people who might be struggling with their identity, especially in these chaotic social and political times. “Transgender people must maintain self-awareness and know their surroundings, as with any lifestyle.” For example, youngsters who are misunderstood and rejected from the home can be subjected to “survival sex work.”

Ms. Curley described a theater production in New York where she was starring. It became the first event where safety concerns resulted in full searches being conducted for entry.

St. David’s provided an open-armed caring learning opportunity

At lease twice during the discussion, the people of St. David’s thanked her for her bravery and sharing. Ms. Curley’s father expressed his and his wife’s parental love for her, their pride in her, and that they would not have changed a thing.

Sources of Additional Information about the transgender community

(As provided by Ms. Curley)

Glossary of Transgender and Non Binary Terms

Recommended Viewing

Documentaries
“Disclosure” – On Netflix
“The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson” – On Netflix
“Will & Harper” – On Netflix (a good and funny “Transgender 101”)
TV Shows
“Transparent” – On Amazon Prime Video
Documentaries
“Intersexion” – On Amazon Prime Video and Tubi streaming services
“Every Body“ – On Peacock or for rental on multiple streaming services